People pleasing & over responsibility

People pleasing and taking too much responsibility are problems that often point to longstanding family patterns that tend to play out again and again with others in adulthood: not being heard or not feeling respected. Giving more than you seem to be getting back.

Sometimes we think that the problem is anxiety or low mood – and it is those things that sometimes bring people in to the initial contact. But once we start looking a bit closer, there is often something underneath it: tension in original relationships that has been sitting there for a while and playing out in other adult relationshiops now.

Relationships matter so much. Some longitudinal research points out to them mattering the most. So if you have been the one keeping the peace, smoothing things over, or always making sure everyone else is okay, it can take a while to even notice that you have slowly disappeared from your own life. To add to it, people pleasing doesn’t usually feel like a problem at first. It feels like being a good person. Until it quietly starts wearing you down.

Even though I work with individuals and not couples, we don’t look at you in isolation.
We look at the system you are a part of. We zoom in on how things work in your family, the roles you’ve taken on, and the patterns that have quietly shaped how you show up in life.

The process is not about focussing on others and blame. Instead, it is about validating your experiences and helping you understand what is going on.

From there, we work out what needs to shift in a way that feels real and doable for you. Doable means not forced or performative. Doable means realistic and aligned with what is possible for you. It is about finding a different way of showing up that doesn’t leave you carrying everything on your own shoulders.