What's your Love Language?
Our relationship with our Mother, Father and/or other primary caregivers often sets the scene for how we show that we care. This becomes our 'primary love language' and a basis for how we lovingly relate to others. So, this love language becomes an expectation of how others 'should' care for and love us. If we liken this to languages of the world, imagine that your mother-tongue is English - so you have an expectation that you will speak it and others will speak it back to you. When you meet someone whose primary language is Italian, you will have a problem :-) Your expectations will not be met. The Italian-speaking person could be responding to you positively but you will not understand it so there will be a 'communication breakdown'. This kind of thing often happens in our closest relationships. We have learnt to express our love in one language but the other person expresses it differently, so we 'miss the point' of what they are trying to tell us (ie and they could be trying pretty hard).
This topic was explored to detail by an American relationship counselor and author Dr Gary Chapman is his famous book "The 5 Love Languages". He talks about how it is easier to relate to people whose love-language you naturally share eg. bumping into another Ozzie at Octoberfest in Germany - might result in an instant 'connection' and relatedness with 'ya mate'. It is however, possible to relate well to others whose primary love language is not your own. So, if you are 'big on doing stuff' for people you love - you will 'do' stuff for them and expect the same back. When they buy you a gift, you might feel.....confused....or not that affected....which might upset them, because for them - 'giving stuff' is a big deal! So, what would it be like if a 'giver' knew what a 'doer' wants and the other way around? The 'giver' would 'do' stuff for the one they love and the 'doer' would start 'giving'. It may feel 'stange' at first but if you know this would make such a difference in the way someone you love relates to you......would it be worth the effort? Check out this quick quiz to find out what your love language is.
We use this Model in sessions at Psychology Central. Ask us for more information in session, or by giving us a call.
This topic was explored to detail by an American relationship counselor and author Dr Gary Chapman is his famous book "The 5 Love Languages". He talks about how it is easier to relate to people whose love-language you naturally share eg. bumping into another Ozzie at Octoberfest in Germany - might result in an instant 'connection' and relatedness with 'ya mate'. It is however, possible to relate well to others whose primary love language is not your own. So, if you are 'big on doing stuff' for people you love - you will 'do' stuff for them and expect the same back. When they buy you a gift, you might feel.....confused....or not that affected....which might upset them, because for them - 'giving stuff' is a big deal! So, what would it be like if a 'giver' knew what a 'doer' wants and the other way around? The 'giver' would 'do' stuff for the one they love and the 'doer' would start 'giving'. It may feel 'stange' at first but if you know this would make such a difference in the way someone you love relates to you......would it be worth the effort? Check out this quick quiz to find out what your love language is.
We use this Model in sessions at Psychology Central. Ask us for more information in session, or by giving us a call.